I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
