hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
