he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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