when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize