Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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