I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
