I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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