You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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