i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
