Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
