Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
