Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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