i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
