Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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