what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
