If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
