ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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