I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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