I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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