The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
