Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
