she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
