Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Holy shit dude........stairs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
