discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
