What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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