My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dicks are not precious.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize