I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
