You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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