At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think people are normalizing furries
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
