i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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