Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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