my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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