I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize