I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Vodka?
Forever.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
