tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
