so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
