after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize