It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
