So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
