My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
