this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
