ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
