So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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