Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
worst night to have a conscience
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
