im about as happy as oj after his trial
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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