It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
