so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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