i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
