My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize