it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
do herpes really smell.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
