i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Randomize
