i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
