How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
