the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
