do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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