It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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