Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I supernannyed him into submission
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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