Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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