I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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