it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
