just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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