Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
