I got chris browned last night
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
