The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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