She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the day after is always just damage control
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
