Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
