I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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