I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
