I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
