she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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