I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
