Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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