I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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