Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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