summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize